Redressing the balance

I've been so caught up in Symphonic madness of late that my essential kitchen therapy has been largely ignored. This is why I have been grumpy and out-of-sorts. So, today I will put in 5 hours of solid work on the Symphony and then do some very 'Cath' things.

First; clean the kitchen until it sparkles

Second; Wash all 'Fiddler' costumes (and hope like hell it doesn't rain)

Third; create scrummilicious meal for long-suffering fiancee consisting of crispy potato pancakes, roast balsamic cauliflower and parsnip with walnuts, crisp green salad with raspberry vinaigrette, honey sesame broccolini, peas and english spinach. Mini vegan cheesecakes for dessert with soy ice-cream for the Brett.

This will take my spaghetti-like brain and rearrange it into a calm and orderly place that is quite capable of dealing with future symphonic stress.

All this activity will be accompanied by my new 'anti-stress' CD which includes Sakamoto, Vaughan Williams, Ladies in Lavender, Pride and Prejudice and Meet Joe Black. The kitten is sleeping in stretchy-mode on the carpet, the sun is shining, the neighbourhood is quiet. I can achieve this. I will now walk away from the computer and reclaim the day.

Mental

Everyone is insane but me. The book is not worth $69.95. Period. It is NOT.

The army officials invited will not come because they don't care.

The wednesday launch breakfast is insane. 5 attendees and over $2000 on marketing.


Mental.

Me working 7 1/2 hours and travelling for 6 is silly. Mental.

Not targeting industry executives in the 400-odd comps is inconceiveable, nay, criminal.

(Insert glass-shattering scream of frustration).

And sorry for messaging you so early Cam, but (patently) my brain resembles frustrated spaghetti.

Come and see 'Fiddler'. I'm Jewish, depressed and don't have a solo to speak of. Yay. Just as 'yay' as everything else.

Uprooted and screaming like a baby mandrake

This what happens when things are going well. They stop going well in spectacular fashion. I have just received news that I have to leave my little cottage.
The owners are selling.
I can't tell you how insecure I feel. I'm in a state of flux and anxiety. I love my house. I love my neighbourhood. I love the bright red flanders poppies that peek through the lavender and the ti-tree dripping with white blossoms. I love the vege patch that Brett built for me at some expense.

I love my huge garden and the wonderful meals we've had in it. My cat adores this place. She has a special tree. She will be sad to lose her tree.
I need a fairy godmother to buy this house for us.
I am scared and shell-less. This is no longer my home. I am in transition again and bloody terrified. Don't hurt me now. I'll bleed buckets.

Busy but not engaged

Why have I not written anything interesting or cotroversial for weeks?

I am swamped trying to fill the Opera House concert hall (2000 people) and organising a top-drawer choir for my little brother.

I am also in production week for 'Fiddler On the Roof' (BMMS). I have recently been co-opted into publicity for both events (as well as performing in them).

Anyone that is desperate for a truly fabulous musical hit should buy tickets/

http://www.symphonyofaustralia.com/

I know he's my brother...nepotism is truly not in play. I would go anyway. This work is fan-bloody-tastic.

All of cream-boys fans should be aware that he will sing!

It's worth the price of admission just to see that, surely?

too cool for school

You know what really pisses me off? People who when offered the opportunity to sing with SSO at the Opera House in a Premiere Australian work sigh and humph and give me attitude, Puhleease, if I'm stopping you from painting your nails that night...apologies. Go ahead and do it.

Everyone is waiting to be noticed. Everyone believes they are an undiscovered genius. Worse, they expect me to agree.
I don't know and I don't care. If you don't want to do it, OK.-that's your choice. If you do,..sheesh , is it too much to ask for a little politeness?
Just be real. If you hate the idea, tell me so. If you love it, tell me so. The sun will rise tomorrow morning regardless.

Fairy Bread

Hundreds and Hundreds and Hundreds. Then there's 'Fiddler', then there's the School, then there's the course.
I'm a fermata...hold me!!

Maybe it's the way people are

Sometimes, just sometimes people really do my head in. Normally I'm sarcastic and cyncical and unsurprised by people.
Today things are getting under my skin.
This is probably because I've spent my entire day doing 'industry' PR and being terribly nice to total strangers. This is why people hire me,-an odd propensity to speak to strangers as though we are already friends.
This has been quoted as a 'strength' of mine. The consequences are far-reaching though.
I spend my day pretending. Therefore the real friends become (in comparison) highly consequential. Which means I get disappointed. Which leads me back to the safe assumption that people are just no damn good.
Which is comforting. I can now go to bed with my walls well in place and my defenses fortified.
I can wake on the morrow with absolute confidence that the day will hold one disappointment or another. I will be pleasantly unsurprised. I will be strong again.

On the rare occasions that I let idealism rather than pragmatism inform my emotions, I whip myself silly for my stupidity. I like willful Naivete, but it just leaves one a little 'unprotected'. I will henceforth discuss the concept philosophically, rather than embracing/living it.

I may sound bitter. I assure you I'm not. Just a little greyer than I was yesterday. It's all about balance and self-control. What was it that Cam said? I shall show myself by hiding myself (sans beard, obviously:-). Things are simple when you have a fortress!

Ungeplant

I had intended to do the kitchen; clean out the pantry, put things in order. Baking with baking, Sauces with sauces etc. It was a good plan. Then I went out to mornig tea with my brother...

He suggested that we drive out to Mudgee for the day.....

I am becoming a Taurus. My first thoughts were 'but I had planned to do the kitchen/ I haven't planned this/ This will be an unknown energy-drain/ Will I have enough unplanned energy to manage three hours rehearsal after this trip?'

Then I realised I was a Gemini and said 'why not?'.

So me, my brother and my father drove to Mudgee. We 'ooohed' at the appropriate greenness, we 'tsked' at the inappropriate haze. We discussed religion, performance, teaching and the implications of higher moral philosophy on existence. We tasted, lunched, purchased and drove home.

1/2 an hour later I was Jewish girl having her wedding destroyed by a Russian Pogrom.

I loved the 'Abercorn' vineyard. It had Wisteria and a cat napping 'neath lavender. Gavin chose the 'vixenesque' merlot, while I went for the 'raw and naked' unwooded Chardonnay.

(All their wine is described via various sex-metaphors...my father stood by wondering where he went wrong;)

I am now officially exausted. I do have the ingredients for Cam's banana bread though, so tomorrow I shall address the neglected pantry and make some warm and fragrant banana bread for liddle Cam.

I should have bought a case of the Chardonnay though...great drop.