Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Stages of Grieving

[Sigh}...OK. I have a had a rough month. Luckily it's rolled into a brand new one, but still, -rough.

On the 'excellent side', Monkey is so close to walking and talking! He's trying his little heart out every day and it's heartbreakingly gorgeous to watch:-).
I saw 'Warhorse' at the Lyric theatre and was reminded by it's sheer awesomeness just why I got in to this industry in the first place.
I have been cooking up a storm, ...nay, maelstrom!
My autumn/winter brassica plantings are well underway, and I have some pretty groovy experimentals in there too (quinoa, for one!).
I am singing and playing for the wee monkey daily. This has the dual effect of making him happy and giving me some time to hone stuff. It's sheer pleasure right now to just sing through a sample 8th grade/A.Mus syllabus. Rediscovering long-lost treasures and trying not to be annoyed at my voice's natural 'atrophy' after being neglected for far too long.

On the 'truly heinous' side, My entire life/self/world has been tried and found wanting.
I am doing everything I can to 'heal', and further, to be an active agent in the healing of others.
I have weekly root canals. Last 6 weeks and the next 4. I find them very difficult and energy-draining...which is entirely unhelpful with an 11 month old.

I'm still not sure entirely where I went wrong.

I am currently questioning everything, but usually myself.
Self-reflection is a good thing. I'm not sure that my extenuating circumstances are leading me down a 'healthy self-reflection mode' however.

Most days I'm just trying to drain the dry well for the sake of my beautiful and miraculous son.  Today (root canal + counselling) pretty much did me in.
I am trying though. I promise.

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