One-armed paper-hanger...

Busier than. True. Not overstating the case in any way.

Start old job, new job and distance Uni this week. That means 6 days per week working schedule (7 if you count study). I have stocked up on fresh fruit and veg, grains and Berocca.

Also dog-arsed tired after the week-that-was.

The good news is that dear Mr (after the NZ disappointment) got to touch snow. Granted, he wanted to put it on my nose immediately and I ran back to the car (carefully).

He then screwed everything up by checking out another girl with me standing 1m away. Bad form.

I felt the ice acutely from both male companions. it did seem that I was being 'unreasonable', in fact the phrase 'you just enjoy torturing me' was uttered.

Why can people never understand that old wounds may well bleed again with just the slightest scratch? It's only a scab after all. Nice thick scars take years to develop.

Why do men think that saying 'you're perfect' in one breath and 'she's hot' in another should be treated as a jovial non-event?

In other news, I set out with the intention to make Lydgate an official ;green person'. The opportunity never arose. We were in any number of picturesque locales but I was always embarased to ask, or thwarted by an ipod. I really wish my loved ones had given me a second to do this. Maybe I should have spoken up abd 'demanded' but you know what?,-I get very very tired of being the insigator. I get very tired of insisting on beauty. I am especially tired on 2nd day of the red moon. I am literally unable to give more at this point. I am exhausted and want to curl up with a great book and a cup of tea. I hurt, I bleed, I haven't slept..and yet I still feel guilty for not providing the ultimate 'day'.

I am actually annoyed at myself for being too tired to orchestrate a 'day-to-remember'. I am annoyed that I even cared about Mr thinking another woman is 'hot'. I know that 'hot' means "I would bang her in a nanosecond'. ...'oh, if I weren't "attached".

On the other hand, Lydgate bought me an old fave CD. I know neither of them get it, but I am very pleased anyway! Maybe admitiing that you'd like to slaughter rednecks is a bad thing? I don't think either boy understood the power of Leonard Cohen. That was a shame.

Today ends. I have not provided an excellent birthday. I have not taken care of myself. I have not been a good 'wife'. I have not studied my new business role enough. I have reached a point of sheer and absolute exhaution,-and everyone but me thinks I am being unreasonable.

To borrow a parable..walk a mile in my moccasins.