'Oh, as long as I knoe how to love...'

I got through it. The first day. Mind you, I am now beset with myriad issues that I am not certain how to deal with....
It seems that the mighty Cath may be seriously deficient in management skills after all. I have trouble dealing with 'clients'. I am good at telling the truth and making friends. Is this my deficiency or the company's? Or rather, the economic paradigm...
Right now, it's all a bt 'up in the air'. I haven't got the resources I need, my venue is woefully inadequate (but that is a joy for tomorrow) and my tutors need me on site (note just sometimes). I now have to decide to give free hours to the company or watch my 'area; fall. Yay, And that's the first day.

GULP

It has just hit me. That large tyre-iron of responsibility. My ears are ringing and my vision is cloudy. I am starting to believe that I may actually have taken on far too much this term. 2 jobs and Uni via distance education seemed do-able, in theory.
It may end up working itself out. I certainly hope so, but sheesh,-talk about ridiculously busy. Every hour of every day is spoken for. I am waving a teary goodbye to marvellous days in my cottage with bubble-baths, gardening, walking in the mist, listening to lovely music and nesting. Mr (although he isn't aware of this yet) has just waved goodbye to fabulous meals created on such days. Mr will now have to deal with thrown-together affairs at the end of long days that may or may not be edible.
It has also just occurred to me that I haven't left any room in my schedule for shopping. Maybe I'll have to go high-tech and order online...there's a scary thought.
I've also left myself no room for creative pursuits. There is definately no space left for Wilde in the gardens or my touring Shakespeare.
I had also planned to walk the road of motherhood soon. Can I do all this whilst pregnant? I'm sure I will settle into some kind of routine with it all, but it is rather overwhelming at the moment.
Add to this residential school attendance, sale days and planning school holiday workshops....gah! Would everything be easier if I had a blackberry? Why didn't I just study ONE subject and get a nice sensible 9-5 job?

One-armed paper-hanger...

Busier than. True. Not overstating the case in any way.

Start old job, new job and distance Uni this week. That means 6 days per week working schedule (7 if you count study). I have stocked up on fresh fruit and veg, grains and Berocca.

Also dog-arsed tired after the week-that-was.

The good news is that dear Mr (after the NZ disappointment) got to touch snow. Granted, he wanted to put it on my nose immediately and I ran back to the car (carefully).

He then screwed everything up by checking out another girl with me standing 1m away. Bad form.

I felt the ice acutely from both male companions. it did seem that I was being 'unreasonable', in fact the phrase 'you just enjoy torturing me' was uttered.

Why can people never understand that old wounds may well bleed again with just the slightest scratch? It's only a scab after all. Nice thick scars take years to develop.

Why do men think that saying 'you're perfect' in one breath and 'she's hot' in another should be treated as a jovial non-event?

In other news, I set out with the intention to make Lydgate an official ;green person'. The opportunity never arose. We were in any number of picturesque locales but I was always embarased to ask, or thwarted by an ipod. I really wish my loved ones had given me a second to do this. Maybe I should have spoken up abd 'demanded' but you know what?,-I get very very tired of being the insigator. I get very tired of insisting on beauty. I am especially tired on 2nd day of the red moon. I am literally unable to give more at this point. I am exhausted and want to curl up with a great book and a cup of tea. I hurt, I bleed, I haven't slept..and yet I still feel guilty for not providing the ultimate 'day'.

I am actually annoyed at myself for being too tired to orchestrate a 'day-to-remember'. I am annoyed that I even cared about Mr thinking another woman is 'hot'. I know that 'hot' means "I would bang her in a nanosecond'. ...'oh, if I weren't "attached".

On the other hand, Lydgate bought me an old fave CD. I know neither of them get it, but I am very pleased anyway! Maybe admitiing that you'd like to slaughter rednecks is a bad thing? I don't think either boy understood the power of Leonard Cohen. That was a shame.

Today ends. I have not provided an excellent birthday. I have not taken care of myself. I have not been a good 'wife'. I have not studied my new business role enough. I have reached a point of sheer and absolute exhaution,-and everyone but me thinks I am being unreasonable.

To borrow a parable..walk a mile in my moccasins.

Happy Birthday

Well, that was a great success by all accounts. We served Cauliflower bisque with sourdough rolls, sweet potato and lentil pie and steamed veg, mudcake and soy ice cream, fruit salad and a lovely Merlot. Little brother blew out his candles in the wind and the fire was roaring. The stereo twinkled serenely in the background and family laughed and talked and ate LOTS.

Post-feast, little brother and I popped off to the Garden Centre so he could buy himself some pressies. I had a marvellous time tripping about my native turf suggesting, cautioning and offering sage advice in one of the few areas I outflank him in:-) We bought parsley, shalotts, thyme, marjoram, coriander, chocolate mint and a beautiful ti-tree and erica for his balcony. We also bought potting mix, poo and native plant formula, liquid fertilizer, a dinky purple watering-can and pots! OOooh the pots! Two rainbow-glazed beauties for the shrubs and 2 marvellous stone planters for the herbs. Added was a gnome that mooned and a doggie that begged with a pot in his paws (anyone using this for busking would be sure to earn double!). I get as much pleasure buying things in garden centres for others as I do for myself...hell any excuse really:-) I am especially fond of the Wentworth Falls garden centre as they play ABC FM throughout the premises...calm, relaxed and 'civilised'.

Mum did mention that our family seemed a little incomplete without dear Lydgate...at which I suffered a momentary pang, because of course, he should have been here with us. We shall make it up to him next weekend. Perhaps a trip to see Batman and the mother/chick cooking up a feast? I shall ponder a marvellous menu and spread the birthday cheer:-)

Just silly really...

Venustus trinus ut Megalong valley hodie per Mr. EGO didn't postulo scribo is in Latin , tamen eram sic amused per Dale's mica code ut EGO sententia I'd tribuo alius fun of a reddo excercise. Nos ingredior per a flumen went down plures calx steps ut Mermaid's specus quod bought natalis dictata pro parum frater. Totus in totus , plurimus satisfactory. Off ut kitchen iam facio pie. Dulcis potato , lens lentis quod gelu servo per brussels surculus broccoli , paganus , palpo quod fanaticus beans. Cras , epulum dies pro prosapia per Cauliflower bisque pie salad , panis volvo quod ego saucing chocolate puddings per soy glacies crepito. Merlot quod atrum grape juice bibo quod a aestuo wood incendia. Bonus vicis.

Beans, beans the magical fruit....

OK, not a fruit.

Tonight's menu features the amazing Kidney Bean. I always buy italian canned beans as they have a far richer red colour, and this, for some reason, seems an important thing to me. I am one who eats with her eyes.

Nachos is a very good way to eat Kidney Beans. I make a chilli with kitchen-sink ingredients (i.e. everything but), buy some good organic corn chips and whip up a simple Guaca to top it off. I don't usually bother with vegan cheese or cheese sauce, 'cos frankly, I can't be stuffed.

le humble Kidney Bean (1 cup) provides you with 177% RDI of molybdenum (lovely little molecule that helps to detocify sulfites), 57.3% RDI folate, 56.3% RDI dietary fibre, as well as manganese, iron, protein, phosphorus, copper, magnesium, potassium, thiamin and Vitamin K.

If you're confused by all this nutrirional hoo-hah, I'll break it down for you; Folate makes you green and leafy, iron makes you into an iron-man, protein is very very good for you, phosphorus makes you glow in the dark, copper makes lovely bracelets and pots, magnesium is available at health-food stores in little pills, potassium is also found in bananas, thiamin is in nutri-grain and Vitmain K is the creative-letter vitamin that they created when they got sick of naming them all B-something or other. You can get all these marvellous benefits from eating my nachos. If I'm in a good mood, you may also avoid gaining 300kgs.

Nachos are also a very very fine meal idea for , let's say, General medical interns in towns west of Lithgow. Put in lots of Chilli though. It ain't nachos if you don't sweat.

Easy recipes for Bathurst Interns

I have been to Bathurst Woolies. I am sure the ingredients will all be there and the Yeast Flakes available at Go-Vita.

Creamy Spinach Pasta

Ingredients

Egg-free pasta (enough for four), 2 cups soy milk, 1/2 tub tofutti cream cheese, 1 brown onion, 2 tsps crushed garlic, 1 tsp chilli flakes, 1/2 tsp caraway seeds, 1/2 cup nutritional yeast flakes, 2 tsp Vegeta seasoning, 2 tsp black pepper (coarse), handful toasted pinenuts, 1/3 cup tomato ketchup, as many baby spinach leaves as you can fit into the pot, 1 tbsp olive oil

Method

Brown onions and garlic in oil and add spices til fragrant. Add cream cheese, milk and yeast flakes and whisk over medium heat til smooth. whisk through tomato ketchup and fold through spinach leaves until wilted. Stir through cooked pasta and sprinkle with toasted pine-nuts.

Very very easy and very very yummy. The sauce takes about 5 minutes to prepare and the pasta the same. If you make enough for 4 you'll have some meals left in the fridge:-) You don't even need vegan parmesan for the top, -it's very very cheesy and rich. Good for impressing visitors too. I would serve it with a nice fresh salad to cut through the richness. This is a subtle as I get kiddo:-)

Annoying

You know what annoys me? People who are self-consciously and deliberately 'different'. People that no longer have a sense of humour unless it has a literary reference. People who use knowledge and learning as a weapon. People that you would love to know but cannot due to the immense walls of wank that surround them.

You know what pleases me? Simple things with great friends with no agenda. People that don't eviscerate you for every faux pax. People that are able to be vulnerable and do not believe that I am a velocoraptor in disguise. People that can be 'un-PC' and are OK with it. People that understand that not everything in llfe is a competition, and that all competition is essentially futile. People that let me love them.

By the way, my boys are such people. If you can't see it,-more fool you.

BIG FRIGGIN RASPBERRY.

In the works

The fall of Troy, WWII, principal of western Sydney regions, fulltime uni, maybe baby. Life is full of surprises, and my days need to be far longer than 24 hours to get it all done. Delta and Bryan would be perfect, Steve would be perfect...what about the lighting plots? Will Andrew bite? Will Cate think it's all a bit silly? Ponder and fret.

Fabulous kind of day

This is one of those utterly fabulous days. I have no pressing commitments (due to still-sore coccyx), I have loads of wood for my fire (thankyou to little brother), 'meatloaf' in the oven, and mum and dad coming up for dinner. I have also planted and tilled and fed and fussed over my garden and am looking forward to the results.

Firstly, this is my evening to be;

Log fire, good company, roast veges (chat potatoes, parsnip, pumpkin, red shallotts, cauliflower, sweet potato and carrot in rosemary, sea salt and olive oil). I will put 'Ladies in Lavender' and 'Pride and Prejudice' on the stereo on shuffle and enjoy eating immensely. I shall lighten the load by providing steamed sprouts, broccoli and grey zucchini with a light balsamic and honey glaze.

I will trot my family out into my garden where I have recently planted a bed of potatoes (nicola, sebago and pontiac), broad beans, spring onions, red shalotts, garlic and a gooseberry bush as well as a bed of my beloved blue cornflowers. The cornflowers will have companions in a few weeks in the form of brilliant red flanders poppies. The red and the blue are a stunning combination and their foliage is complimentary,-feathery and light green/grey.

There is a fabulous salad that I do for summer barbecues with fresh blanched broad beans, toasted slivered almonds, roasted kumera cubes, spring onion and a lime and sweet chilli dressing. Gooseberries make lovely jam but are best eaten fresh from the bush (perhaps with a chaser of fresh raspberries from the canes behind) and a kiwi or two from the vine to the right. The food garden is one of the prettiest things you'll ever see. Everyone smiles amongst an abundance of edible growing things!

I should also mention that I'm very very pleased with my soil efforts. A few months ago I cleared out a large bed, dug out tonnes of yarrow and weed matter, added compost, manure, lucerne and wood-ash (dug through until I was shaky), I then covered the bed with newspaper and more lucerne. When we dug it yesterday it was rich, dark, loamy and FULL of worms with a nice 6.5 PH that my veges will adore. Oh yes, give me poo and rotten veges and I shall show you miraculous things=P

My current obsession with rotting things and dirt may be a trifly unbalanced but I am sooooo enjoying myself...and am having a weird dizzy spell.....odd, might sign off then.

Coccyx stuff sucks

I tripped on my floor rug, put my head though the wall and damaged my coccyx on Friday night. I didn't feel much at the time but yesterday the pain kicked in with a vengeance. Trouble walking, sitting, lying down comfortably, and of course alot of trouble doing anything at all useful. Note to everyone; Do not damage your coccyx. There's nothing you can do but dose up on painkillers, stool-softeners (sorry to be gross, but that's yet another joyous complication) and rest. I am notoriously bad at 'resting'. Indolence is one of my greatest fears. I have managed, gingerly to sit at the computer with lots of cushions and the coccyx well out of contact with any hard surface.
I'm supposed to be teaching drama workshops in 2 days too. I will be very very disappointed if I'm not mobile enough to do that. At the moment though I can't walk around the house without pain, let alone lead drama workshops and walk to and from various stations (and negotiate the stairs that will inevitably be involved).
What I can do is share the recipe for the lovely soup I made a few days ago;

CORN & POTATO CHOWDER
1 large brown onion, finely diced
2 cloves garlic, finely diced
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp nuttelex
1 tsp cumin seeds
4 tsp cracked black pepper
4 tsp Vegeta seasoning
4 tbsp massel chicken stock
1 tsp mixed herbs
4 medium white potatoes cubed
4 ears of corn, shucked and kernelled.
1/2 cup savoury yeast flakes
1 tbsp cornflour in 5 tbsp water (paste)
1/3 cup pearl barley

Simple method, just fry off onion, garlic and spices in oil and butter, add the rest with about 10 cups of water and boil and a rolling boil for about 1 hr. Serve with crusty bread and fresh parsley finely chopped and mixed through just before serving. For a creamier chowder add either 3 tbsp Toffutti cream cheese, or 1/2 cup full-fat soy milk (don't boil soy-milk though,-it will curdle).

I also added 2 tsp chilli flakes 'cos I like things to have a little bit of 'bite' but these are optional.

In other news, the wonderful Cybervixen bought me 'The Veganomicon' for my birthday. As soon as I can walk, bend, balance, I will be cooking up a storm! Very taken with the chick-pea cutlets that are a mixture of chick-peas and seitan, and the sweet n' spicy barbecue tofu. There's also a recipe for a vanilla pound cake (one of my all-time favourite cakes) that I'm BUSTING to try (especially as I have vegan custard mix in the cupboard). I crave warm pound cake and custard...and sooky girly movies...and salty things. I would also like to be entirely well by tomorrow so that I can do these workshops.

The times, they are a changin'

Firstly my alarm didn't go off. I made my train, but was a little messy about it all. I walked from Central to the interview, it took 45 minutes and made my nose run and my cough worsen. I interviewed with Titania, which was all very pleasant and relaxed. I was given a t-shirt that wasn't as awful as I had imagined, an outline and a working with children check. I walked to Town Hall to meet my brother, went back to his apartment and cooked us up a chilli-tomato pasta for lunch. This we ate with Freixenet and 'The Commitments' on the stereo. He offered $30 000 for a show I really want to do, and I peered suspiciously at this person that looked like my brother, but sounded like a stranger. I somehow made it back to Central and coughed all the way home in very dramatic fashion. So dramatic that people moved away from me in the train. It isn't ebola but sure felt like it with people glancing with suspicion and impatience at me as I gasped and hacked and generally made a nuisance of myself. 10 minutes freezing walk got me home and pretty quickly to bed.
Today I have to teach (blerch),..but it's the second last day of term so I will down Codral and soldier on. I will also have a lovely ylang ylang bubble bath, copious cups of tea and a bowl of potato and corn chowder that I whipped up this morning. Hey Ho! With tea in hand and smelling like a garden I can take on the world!
I don't find out about this job til Wednesday next week. I am not going to fret about it. I will forget it and carry on as usual. Off to start phase one of survival,-the bubble bath.