Gabriel's 1st Birthday Cake

Despite having said countless times that I wasn't going to go "over the top" for Gabriel's 1st birthday (y,know, because he's ONE and couldn't care less)...I did go a little bit nuts on his cake.

OK, so first things first.
I have spent weeks gradually making all the decorations from modelling chocolate. I also made far too many decorations. Meh, better over-prepared than under-prepared right?

I just did a few things each night and stored them in layers of baking paper in an airtight container.
They're all made from Aldi Choceur chocolate and Glucose syrup + Americolour gel paste colouring. Tools? My hands and one ratty paintbrush.
Oh, except the mushrooms, they're meringue painted with melted dark chocolate and dusted with cocoa.

Obviously the theme is 'Autumn Forest'..kinda sorta. Blueberries are a summer-forest-thing, but why let little details get in the way? This isn't a National Geographic cake competition.

Next step, bake the cakes in question.
The bottom layer is a caramel mud and the top layer is a banana/yoghurt cake. Both turn out very dense and moist and easily take fondant.

So, here we are, all set up with ganache for the crumb coating and various decorations.

I don't mind admitting that this was all making me very nervous. As my second cake (proper-fondanty-thing), so much was liable to go wrong here. I knew what I was aiming for, but having no actual training in this stuff, was not entirely sure I could pull it off.

OK, so layer one.

lacking wooden dowelling rods, I decided to trust Martha Stewart and use drinking straws. She assures me that for a paltry two layers, this is support enough....

 Ganache crumb coat

 'Lid' of fondant tree-rings. This wasn't very clever at all. I just shaped the fondant into a flat cylinder, painted on lines in gel-paste (Chocolate brown, warm brown and a dash of egg-yellow), rolled it up like a swiss-roll,cut it, and then rolled it flat. Lo-and-behold, -tree rings :-)

 Rolled 'bark' base fondant. Basically, just badly mixed browns.

 Measured the cake height and cut out a strip of fondant to match.

decided that the bark-brown looked nothing like bark and started tearing and adding fondant scraps.

Scored everything with a toothpick and added some 'cracks'

Painted to the cracks with black gel-paste (with aforementioned ratty paintbrush)

Attacked fondant-scrappy sides with warm brown and chocolate brown gel-paste

Posted photo on Facebook to see if anyone thought it looked log-like. Fortunately, it turned out that most people thought it did. Phew. I sat down with a cuppa and steeled myself to do it all over again for the second layer.

Then it was just a matter of placing (and glueing with melted chocolate) the many and varied decorations. there was no specific plan here, just a riotous autumnal profusion.

Yes yes, I know it's too much, -but it is for a child...

And there's a frog.

I just felt like making a frog.

So that's it for this year!. Now I just have to sort out the 'magic tree' (wouldn't you like to know? :-), the hay bales, the various pumpkin and autumn leaf decorations, and of course, the food.
My 'not-over-the-top' 1st Birthday is a friggin' 4-month production.
His second birthday will be a BBQ in a park. I swear it.

Woman Day

TODAY IS 'WOMAN DAY' FOR ME.

I haven't had a chance to do this for nigh-on a year (which may or may not have something to do with a Tiny Boy that arrived nigh-on a year ago:-).

I should also mention, before I go too much further, that this 'day' is only possible because my marvellous parents have taken the little fella on a big adventure into Bathurst, -quite deliberately giving me some much-needed 'me time'. For this, I am beyond grateful!

So what's a 'woman day' then?

I can already feel the narrowed eyes, suspicion and genuine fear the very title may engender...

In very basic form it is this;

* The first day of menstruation

* A day when everything in you cries out for peace, solitude and reflection.

* A day to think about what it means to be "woman".

* A day to do whatever it is that you makes you feel grounded, centred and peaceful,

Now, trust me, I KNOW that such a day is pure luxury, and well beyond the reach of many of us, -particularly if 'Motherhood' in one of the spokes to your Woman-wheel! We are expected (and expect ourselves) to 'cover-up', soldier-on, and basically pretend that everything's fine (i.e. the same as every other day).

Except it's not. Not at all.

Menstruation/The Red Moon/Aunty Flo/Kitty's got a nosebleed/The Curse is, for most of us, a dreadful inconvenience at best, a cramping/bloating nightmare at worst. 

Most women I know absolutely hate and dread it.

If you're trying to become pregnant, it's day of tears and cursing your stupid body again and again.

My point is, for most women, it is overwhelmingly negative. And it happens every month.

Recently my life has had a bit more than it's fare share of ups and downs. This has left me feeling pretty drained, annoyingly fragile, and generally pretty un-centred and uncertain. My value as 'woman' and 'wife' has been questioned LOUDLY by others, and worst of all, by me.

Luckily, I have been surrounded by a fierce cocooning shield of "Warrior-Women". Friends and Family members that have thrown back their collective heads and howled on my behalf. Teeth bared, and hackles raised, I swear every one of them was ready to fling themselves into bloody battle on my behalf.

Women, -bloody marvellous creatures! 

So today, instead of plodding through mountains of washing, cleaning, cooking, dirty nappies, tiny (but ear-splitting) tantrums, and trying desperately to 'keep it all together', I have taken a day (OK, -a morning) just for me.

This is what it looks like;

Poured a cup of ridiculously fragrant and incredible Green Tea from Ijalse Farms. Savour the warmth and fragrance of added spearmint, orange and mandarin peel...feel it doing me good...pull out an old but beloved dress made some 20 years ago by a dear friend, and remember her fragrant warmth and beautiful friendship. Make up an oatmeal and honey facial mask whilst running a hot bath scented with honey and Ylang Ylang, shed the 'workaday' clothes and slip into comforting warmth, allow it to let me dream and honour the liquid warmth of the womb, the gentle strength that is 'Mother'. Shave my legs because I want to and for no other purpose. Look, really look at belly and breasts post-baby. Feel proud that this body of mine created life, see curves and undulations as mirrors of mountains and valleys, white as the moon but with glorious signs of 'woman/mother' not virgin girl. For the first time in a very long time, realise that I don't want to look like an older incarnation of myself and that I don't want to spend these beautiful years trying to undo life in order to fit some 'image' created by others.

Slip out of the bath and into the old dress. No bra, no frills, no carry-on. Just fresh skin and freedom.

Prepare a lunch of brown rice and vegetables with no salt, but plenty of aromatic herbs and spices. It feels good to eat. I allow some time to appreciate flavour and texture. No hurrying through because I have to feed the baby, no unhealthy feelings of guilt, or 'calories' or fat'content. Just me and a meal, in the quiet.

Pull out some beloved poetry, pour another cup of tea and lose myself in the metaphysicals. See so many images I want to paint/draw/recreate in fabric and enjoy the feeling of wild freedom in my brain.

It has been utterly blissful.

Of course, I must now shed "Woman Day" and prepare for the return of my little monkey-minx.

I just wish that we all had time to do this more often. 

The Stages of Grieving

[Sigh}...OK. I have a had a rough month. Luckily it's rolled into a brand new one, but still, -rough.

On the 'excellent side', Monkey is so close to walking and talking! He's trying his little heart out every day and it's heartbreakingly gorgeous to watch:-).
I saw 'Warhorse' at the Lyric theatre and was reminded by it's sheer awesomeness just why I got in to this industry in the first place.
I have been cooking up a storm, ...nay, maelstrom!
My autumn/winter brassica plantings are well underway, and I have some pretty groovy experimentals in there too (quinoa, for one!).
I am singing and playing for the wee monkey daily. This has the dual effect of making him happy and giving me some time to hone stuff. It's sheer pleasure right now to just sing through a sample 8th grade/A.Mus syllabus. Rediscovering long-lost treasures and trying not to be annoyed at my voice's natural 'atrophy' after being neglected for far too long.

On the 'truly heinous' side, My entire life/self/world has been tried and found wanting.
I am doing everything I can to 'heal', and further, to be an active agent in the healing of others.
I have weekly root canals. Last 6 weeks and the next 4. I find them very difficult and energy-draining...which is entirely unhelpful with an 11 month old.

I'm still not sure entirely where I went wrong.

I am currently questioning everything, but usually myself.
Self-reflection is a good thing. I'm not sure that my extenuating circumstances are leading me down a 'healthy self-reflection mode' however.

Most days I'm just trying to drain the dry well for the sake of my beautiful and miraculous son.  Today (root canal + counselling) pretty much did me in.
I am trying though. I promise.